You see there are nights when there is nothing else to do but to watch anime. Yes anime, I know its not the best time to bring this up, but another man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I will not go over the details since I know there are a lot of sketchy characters waiting to seize the moment to judge me. To cut the long story short, KPLC did their thing. Blackout. Come on this monopolistic power company is just annoying. Its 1 am in the morning, who does that?

Now there is exquisite silence, only the occasional barking of far away dogs to break the silence. I am unable to sleep, I cannot bear it. I just lay there tossing and turning. It seems tonight I will be fretting over my life again.

“To simp or not to simp” I think.

I fail to understand why but I have nothing else to think about.

Have you been replying under two minutes? Forcing pick up lines to a chick who is not interested in any way whatsoever? Writing wordy paragraphs after being left on read hoping to get the best of the situation? Okay, sorry HOMER, BART you are a SIMPSON.

The truth of the matter is every man has been a simp once and as they say, it takes a simp to know a simp or was it a thief? Whatever men, you get the picture.

Let us get back to our scenario.

Time is bending. I am starting to re-live a memory. The past is talking to me and I begin to listen. I do not like where this is going but I do not have much of a choice, do I?

The ordeal of a friend of mine…. Now, now, hold your horses, what makes you think its me. Okay fine you win I am guilty as charged but let me use the ‘certain friend theory’ at least it makes me feel better about myself. Oh! The shame.

There is this girl. Ah! This is how they all begin, but not this story. I will skip right to the part where I am about to call a girl who left me on read since forever. I am sorry but yeah, I know it is shameful and depressing but this is my story so just listen or rather read, I don’t know.

Personally, I am the overthinking type and I already know that she will pick the call and the first few minutes will be the “Oh, I had a tough day, lots of assignments, I was not even online.” The usual fuss. It will be after this part where I unleash my lethal simp tools.

As always, my premonition is on point. You see the I was not even online part hit different though I know it is a big fat lie. To be honest I have viewed your one million statuses on WhatsApp. Hey, don’t judge I did not even count them! They were 20 clips and 5 memes.

I know all this, yet I choose to move on regardless. This is no place to die, move soldier.

You know the drill we start with how was your day? Did you miss me? I missed you like…. I then realize I am getting the rap-like responses mmmh, aahh, wow, for real, lol. Then the occasional forced giggle that keeps me going.

This goes on for about an hour. Yes, an hour, did I stutter.

“I feel sleepy” She says.

I am fine with that but its only 8pm, why must you hurt me like this. Anyways I try to salvage the situation to get the most out of it by trying to tell her goodnight how the Netflix guys do it. I realized that Netflix is a scum.

The reply was served cold as always. “Okay just sleep”.

                      To simp, or not to simp: that is the question,

                     Whether ‘tis nobler in mind to clown,

                    The calls and texts of outrageous misfortune.


Oh, sorry I just had to.


One thought on “TO SIMP OR NOT TO SIMP

  1. I love this a million times over! The apology at the end is like icing on the cake. Eti Simpson! But it’s true, simps can predict the future. I’m not speaking from experience but well… I am. I felt the, …Ok, just sleep.’ line so much!!! Keep up the good work Hazy!

    Liked by 1 person

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