Five-Minute Man

Guess who’s back, back again. Old school Eminem used to hit different I tell you. I am pretty sure when you read the title you thought I would pull a fast one at the end. No Sir. I am the type of guy who takes the bull by the horns. If you want to talk to me talk to me direct, don’t go through the corners. That I do.

Time is such a complex concept that man has yet to grasp, this is why he organizes hours to form a day; the days turn into weeks; the weeks accumulate to months; months evolve to years and so on by now you get the picture. The elephant in the room, five-minute man.

For me it has always been five-minutes, take it or leave it. I prefer efficiency to duration. I do quite an exceptional job that I know. You know it was never how long you tilled a farm but how well you did it.

Even nature has my back on this, they say as fast as a hare; what did you think they were talking about?

As always you shall be the jury to my case. Picture this, I have scheduled a match, mind you its one of this Super-League fixtures so the hype is real. I am a master of strokes; I am confident in my game, no pressure.

 Ah, how is my game you ask? Think of Manchester City, possession is key.

Kick-off!! The match is exhilarating I hope you aren’t waiting for me to expound on the details; nasty, little creatures.

 The final whistle is blown, as every other player would do, I get out of the pitch to catch my breath and to drink a glass of water. The deed is done. I feel like being in those interviews they do for the man of the match after every game.

 I know I have done an astounding job, world-class performance if you are willing to continue with the soccer gag. Funny enough the thought of having Martin Tyler and Allan Smith commentate my ‘match’ crosses my mind. I imagine Martin Tyler’s voice crack as he screams my name:

“Heeeeeeeeezzyyyyyy!!” encapsulating the sheer thrill of the moment.

Sadly, the thought is cut short.

“Be quick with the water.”

Alaaaa! Alaaa! Alaaa!

She thinks its injury time should I tell her?

     Ps. I think its all in my head but I think I might have written a quickie.


Oh, sorry I just had to.

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