You ever blinked so hard that you felt like your eyeballs were being sucked into a vacuum cleaner. Then you tried that again and the feeling is gone, so you start blinking severely, and you start looking like a fool having a seizure. Let me rephrase that, have you ever found yourself waking up at 6:00 am to look outside your window cause a pretty girl passed by there at 6:05 the previous day? You know how you feel when she finally passes by at 6:05, you feel all excited and hyped up like you had just been given an adrenaline shot. That’s how I feel when she calls or comes by, and if you knew her the way I do we’d probably be fighting for her attention right now.
‘She not your girlfriend’ they all say. Well she is not, not yet that is.
‘I love you, but I can’t be with you right now honey, but soon…’ she always says, and places her hand on my cheek so gently I feel all my worries wash away. And when she kisses my forehead afterwards I feel such love and it reminds me of how she is the one who saw me so distant and gave me so much love that I forgot what it’s like to be withdrawn.
Kevin’s a loser anyway. He’s only got muscles, a stupid goatee and a Mustang that is always needing one or two repairs. He doesn’t even buy her stuff, I do. She doesn’t call him when she needs anything, she calls me. He only shouts at her when he needs money, and I always give her enough money to give him on such occasions, so she won’t have to spend any of her hard earned money on that jerk. Very soon he’ll make a wrong move and she’ll come running to me like she always does, only difference is she won’t go back to him this time.
Kevin doesn’t even take care of their daughter, I do. She is right here at my place, running around the backyard, her barbie doll in hand. Very soon she’ll invite me for the weekly tea party at Tammy the teddy bear’s place, and later on we’ll walk down to the little bakery to get the cupcakes she loves so much because it’s Saturday, and Saturdays are a ‘no sandwich yes cupcakes day’ as she likes say. We’ll be home by seven, right on time for her shower, followed by Aunty T’s famous spaghetti and meatballs and in no time I’ll be on her bedside reading her Alice in Wonderland as she fall asleep. ‘Nighty night sweetheart, I love you.’ I will say as I switch off the lights to her room. I will still leave the night light on because although she claims to have outgrown it, you can never be too sure.
Can Kevin do all that, I don’t think so. I’m the better father, and by extension the better man, and very soon she will see that clearly.
‘But what about your happiness?’ they ask, and I’m left wondering which one of us lives a pathetic life. I am happy, and I’m even happier if she is happy, and believe me she is happy. Them on the other hand, not so much, with their abusive husbands, and cheating partners they wouldn’t know what real happiness is, they wouldn’t know what real love is.
‘She is just stringing you along’ some say, but she loves me…and as long as she loves me forget even stringing, she can rope me along as well!