Closure

It may be in the smooth carving of characters progressively on a blank space or the thought of the excellent results to come. I can not quite get to it, but there is just something about the spasm of excitement that accompanies the activity itself. Rather an unusual statement for those who are accustomed to the butterflies in the stomach during such occasions. Extremely weird for you as somehow, i do not know how, you trade the butterflies for bees, yet you still conquer. And for that, i am proud of you.

Seated at a heavily ‘graffitied’ piece of furniture next to the wall, i focus on a booklet and a printed paper placed in front of me. I am in one of the rooms of a famous building at the university racking my brain for an answer to what school i am in to fill it in the required field. Now, before you start enquiring about my level of focus as per the issue that disturbs me most in the examination room, allow me to introduce you to wider dimensions of wisdom. But first, how much time do you have?

Because, let me tell you Maina, a written test sounds like a projection of trust issues, if you ask me. Make me understand how i am still needed to give answers to three handsome questions even after spending at least one day a week listening avidly to my learned lecturers for an hour, maybe two or even three in cases where the grace for stamina or any other involved force is doubtlessly unmatched. More often than not, without my periodic interruption.

List… How can i tell you many are the times i make a to-do list and fail to do the to-dos? Will you get me when i expound on my degree of inacurracy in my shopping lists, often causing me the painful embarrassment of “toa hii” at the cashier(i petition to have Energy biscuits go for the original twenty Kenyan shillings)? Items on my wishlist yet to be fulfilled, yet another list is required of me? Well, at least i have the capacity for the list at the moment. Here you go, sir. Here you go, madam.

Explain… A word often accompanied with an encouraging splash of ‘in your own words’. But at the end of the day, i think it is just funny how my own words can actually fall victim to harsh judgement. In the first place, are they not mine? Even when i seek help from ‘nevertheless’ and ‘furthermore’, are the rest still not mine, you know?  What do you mean, sir, when you make up your mind to reject my neatly developed characters, my own composition to be precise and as per the instruction? Please explain to me like i am five, madam.

Discuss… I turn to the comrade on my left and begin to exchange ideas for us to overcome this particular question. Like a bat out of hell, you are on our necks, sir. Madam, you keep hanging around our area, giving us a certain look that i am not pleased with, if you peer into my soul. We are just two beings trying to do what we have been asked to do. I mean, just let us be, you know what i am saying? Anyway, comrade on my left, do you have an extra biro? Mine just ran out of ink. And by the way, i think it is miraculous that you are already adorning dreadlocks. As we came in, i bet you had a nicely combed afro. Haha… Ah! We move regardless.

At this point, i do not even know what to feel, how to feel it and how to feel about feeling it. I wish i had a way to illustrate what i am trying to say with the aid of drawings, but i do not have the capacity, sir. This requires us to sit and have a deep conversation, when you think about it, madam. Just let me know when you are free and i will send the location. I need more than just closure. I need lists, explanations, drawings and all these illustrated.

Haha… But what do i know?

Bro…nitumie notes za unit ya kesho. <Message sent>

(sips strawberry yogurt)

BEV.

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