Have you ever been robbed?
I was robbed. It was more of snatching though😂.
It was 10 pm dead in the night. I was going somewhere, and we all know where, not the exact place but you know what I mean.
I wanted to order a boda they are fast. I wanted to get there before the mood changed. There I am waiting for the boda guy to call, and he does in fact call. Just as I am about to pick the call. A boda guy snatches it from me. It seemed as if he wanted to pick the call for me. The timing was too perfect almost like a broke guy pulling…. Yeah, tough luck😂.
Funny thing is that as we glanced at each other like a couple from an Indian soap opera; we could have won the Oscars; he operated through the roundabout while I naively thought that he would give me back my phone.
“kwani hujui jokes?”
I thought he’d say this to me as he gave me back my phone.
I really loved my phone I was attached to it. It wasn’t in the best condition though so jokes on him is what I wanted to say but the relationship between me and my phone was toxic. It was the type of phone you’d have trouble visiting the ‘site’ with😂.
What hurt the most is when I told my friends about it they were like I pity the guy who’d want that.
“Waaa sa si huyo msee atalala njaa walai sa atadoo?”
This left me like was I the one that got mugged or did I mug the boda guy.
Everyone disregards the trauma but oh well😂.
Enlightenment is what I achieved from being robbed, I started to think of the best scenario I would prefer to be robbed in.
This is what I came up with.
I’m walking late at night in an alley and two huge guys approach with daggers.
They first tell me this is a mugging. I want to be aware you know so that I can give my consent😂.
They tell me if I try anything stupid, they’ll dice me up. At this point, I am comfortable knowing at least they are nice guys trying to find a living so no pressure. A man has to do what he has to do.
So, they ask for my phone, but I ask them to let me remove my sim card and let me delete all factory settings so that I won’t have to spend an extra 100 bob renewing a sim card and they won’t have to use that 500bob to flush the phone. Actually, I would be just fine with removing the simcards but true horror lies within google chrome history😂.
How did I know it was 500? I had to get a phone myself you know😂.
Anyways at this point one of the thugs gives me a pin. He is very resourceful. I complete my part of the bargain and we are off. Diplomacy at its finest😂😂.
Every man’s dream is to have a harem. I never knew I would have one this early in my life😂 but I’m one lucky bastard.
It’s 7 am in the morning, just before the crack of dawn, I don’t know why I want to use the frog’s kingdom manenoz from class 8😂 it was usually another banger. I’m late for work btw. Its my first day and I am supposed to be there by 7 am. Good thing I’m a guy, ooh, and it’s not that far. I was a little bit scared I almost took a boda but I thought to myself, “Kwani mimi ni mwanamke?”
Also, I never healed from mteja😂.
I arrive at work. Looking busy is the goal. My employer spots me and asks for my name and I’m assigned to work; mboka.
I meet some workmates there and they are nice people.
Where do I work, I work at a nursery school as a PP1 teacher and its fun.
With this information, imagine this its your first day of working in a NURSERY, you are with your colleagues some little girls wearing hijab’s run past you, and you hear one of them saying.
“Waa si hao madem wameiva, wacha break ifike ama aje Hezy?”
My response is’ “ Yaani champ najua kuna wenye wanakula maembe mbichi na chumvi si tukitegea ziive, lakini sasa wale wakingoja maembe mbichi unafyeka mti😂”
I usually don’t judge people, but this was too much I almost cut the guys off.
Luckily, he meant the other colleagues😂. You can’t blame me though he should have been more specific.
Long story short is the little girls are fond of me😂. I just wanted to tell you the maembe mbichi part, it really had me cracking.
My harem of little girls, they are so nice, little angels at least every 7 am in the morning I get hugs from little kids. Stuff slaps more than a good morning text😂.
Well, the little boys also love me and what can I say I am adorable but all I can say is mboka ni mboka rise and grind the hustle is real.