Fever Dream

Memories are incredibly annoying things; I mean it’s Monday for god’s sake! It’s 7 am in the morning, the lecturer is droning on about Transnational Corporations and Intermediary liabilities, I should be listening, I know I should, but my brain is so far away from this reality I might very well be a transnational corporation myself. She, on the other hand, is listening, and it’s grating on my psyche, I want to steal a glance to confirm but that would be too dangerous a course of action, I risk never returning to this reality in this lifetime.

“Well then Alex, it seems you have a good grasp of intermediary liabilities, why don’t you weigh in on this scenario…”

I’ve been noticed! For the love of god, this old crone will not let me daydream in peace! I manage to mumble some pseudo-intellectual drivel and start a discussion that’s sure to last long enough to keep the attention away from me, God bless the Socratic method. The effort of the bluff saps my willpower, I cannot help it, I take a glance. My breath catches, my skin tightens, the memories, the goddamn memories start flooding back!

She can tell the effect she has on me, she enjoys it, she oh so softly tilts her head to one side and twirls her pen. She is sporting a most adorable pout, three ounces playful, three ounces aggrieved, like a puppy that had a treat dangled in front of it and then yanked away. I am tempted to run from the class and tell the old crone that I have some urgent business to conclude, and indeed, I do, the morning’s business was hardly concluded …

The fever dream intensifies, I can hear colours and taste smells… hers is a confusingly intoxicating mixture. Coffee, the expensive stuff with just a tinge of sweetness, vanilla? Honey? Even my mind is awash with drivel now, I cannot wait for these three hours to be over, there is a nice break before the afternoon class, heaven never seemed so close, yet so far away. This is what an addiction feels like I think, I’m sinking again, and the old crone drones on and on.

“Internet intermediaries bring together or facilitate transactions between third parties on the internet…’’

The internet, maybe a less dangerous addiction. I’d managed to kick this one, God bless whoever invented long holidays,  I suffered from withdrawal symptoms for days, but as time continued to cutaways from my life, I walked back into the sun again. Nevertheless, the holidays end one whiff, the very first and I sunk back into my fever dream.


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