Touch Us, Please

How do single people survive? We all remember Little mix, don’t we? The girl band before guys discovered Doja Cat and maybe Kali Uchis. Some will say what about Shakira, Beyonce and Riri? Well, if you ask that you should be married by now.

Anyways, little mix said just a touch.

The thing is people are usually embarrassed to admit they’ve actually slid down the pole or pat the cute kitten, depends on gender though. Damn it, instead of using “slid down the pole” I should have used “fixing the rod”, so that I could say something epic as Spare the rod, spoil the balls.

People view touching themselves shamefully instead of treating it as an act. The way you plan for seggs with the champagne, lit candles in a dark room, roses and white clean sheets is the way you should prepare for your session. It’s a li’ thing called Self Appraisal; kupea mwili shukrani.

The funny thing is that I usually hear negative comments about touching yourself, but no one talks of the good of it. I like to say touching yourself is like Arsenal this season, we will scorn them but deep down we all know they are good, really good.

I usually say it’s all about perspective let me lay it down for you. Do you remember when Lil Wayne said safe sex is great sex? Well, the thing is when you touch yourself, you won’t get that late text that “I think am late” text.

We all know getting laid is quite expensive starting from fare to food and drinks then to the exiling of your best mate or even hiring a BnB. Touching yourself is much more economical, especially for a comrade. The first deduction is the fare, the food comrade anaeza inama and exile oh well you can’t lack a place to seclude yourself.

Finally, it kills the dry spell. I’ve suddenly felt weird writing about all this. Deep down I’m like what if my child sees this in future? The idea of my kid knowing I used to hit the gym scares me. I don’t think I’ll be ready for that conversation ever.

What I’m trying to say is cut yourself some slack and touch yourself.

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