Christmas Eve At The B.S

This Christmas will definitely be different especially with the “watu wa Nairobi” shenanigans. I like the memes though.

As I grow older, I realize the hype for Christmas decreases at an alarming rate, by the time I hit 30 I might as well be the grinch.

A few years back, I could not sleep on the 24th due to sheer excitement. Funny how one can change. Yet, not everything changes; ironic isn’t it; you see my mother usually wants us all neat for Christmas. I mean all of us, not even my father can get out of this one. It sometimes feels as if mom is playing dress-up with us as her dolls.

I decide to cooperate and head to the B.S., yes the Barber Shop. I am quite reluctant at first since it’s not my usual B.S. Guys tend to have extensive loyalty to their barbers. I’m sure some guys cheat on their girlfriends more than they change barbers.

I have a theory on this; In high school a clean Jordan shave was mandatory, this made sure the very shape of your head was exposed and for many, you’d finally believe the common saying “they come in all shapes and sizes”

A nasty rumor about how the doctors were responsible for the shape of your head didn’t make things better. You see a friend of mine had no kisogo, so we’d coat our tones in sympathy and tell him, ” Waah, huskii labda doc alikupiga bare badala ya kukuspank ndio upumue”

I guess after hearing all this you’ll be careful with who you give head to. Oh shucks pardon me, give your head to.

I go to this new B.S. The place is a mix of old-school and modern. The usual posters with cool hairstyles, reggae music, and football commentary. Actually, I feel the place is more old-school than modern. Only the equipment was modern to be precise.

The barber is a funny-looking guy. The guy gives off a warm aura, no-homo. The cop by Gregory Isaacs is really slapping at the moment.

As the barber trims my hair we start talking. The talk is usually important between the barber and the client. The talks at least takes your mind away from how the hair is being cut. There is usually a Kikuyu saying about how you shouldn’t look at a master in work since you will be restless most of the time hence affecting the master. A good example is when your wife is giving birth, it’s not advisable to watch it as a man.

“Khai ni hii narudishiwa?”

“Ni aje hawa madem cool kids wanapenda rungu hivi ama ni matembe? Btw naitwa Mburu “

What a way to start a convo. I honestly felt he should have started with the name but the guy has a point.

Mburu is fascinated at the rate City girls are getting thrashed in the neighborhood and he is very bitter. Mburu especially hates “wababaz” since they have been giving him bad business. How you ask?

Mburu tells me wababaz are the best kind of customers since they pay well and always leave a tip but in the end, they’ll leave with the girl that usually helps in washing and grooming clients.

“Hii ni mara ya tano sasa. Hawa ma uncle hawataki kuona sura mzuri na matako kubwa”

A contingency plan is formed, Mburu is quite the genius. The reason why he is so agitated is simply that his last assistant was just transported a few hours ago so he has been touching the heads of many customers which is creeping him out.

“Utaanza kuskia ati nilihama chama na ni hawa ma ucle wako na ufala”

I feel a little remorse for him and I tell him I’ll just take care of myself back at home. This makes him a little bit happier and as I am about to leave, he hits me with a quote.

“lakini silaumu hawa ma uncle, unajua kila kitu tamu iko katikati, ata pesa iko Central Bank”

Poetic justice.